Rollercoaster

Wow, people aren't kidding when they say this surrogacy stuff is a huge rollercoaster. 


I got a call from our nurse today and our transfer has been canceled. There was a miscommunication with the doctor's orders and the embies didn't get taken out to thaw. My IP's have a bunch of frozen 1 day embies, and they were supposed to be taken out to grow to 5 day blasts, (day 5 being Wednesday) but they weren't taken out at all. Our doctor doesn't want to take them out and thaw them now and just push back the transfer, because I've already been on progesterone for a few days and my lining/cycle would be out of whack. 


Don't get me wrong, we are all very thankful that they didn't screw up the embies or damage them. I know it could have been a lot worse! It's just a huge shock and disappointment. 


I couldn't ask for better and more amazing IP's. They are so supportive and encouraging, caring and wonderful. After they took their anger out on our doctor (LOL) we talked and they just wanted to make sure I was okay. They know a lot goes into it, from getting coverage at work, finding care for my daughter, etc., to sharp pokes and hormone madness pulsing through me. C (who is a physician) never fails to make me laugh with comments like, "Oh, you're gonna have one hell of a period!"


So the next step is to wean off meds, have a period, and start over. We're looking at January 20th or 21st for a transfer and we are all excited to do it right this time! We're very optimistic that we will be pregnant before we know it and hopefully this journey will be relatively smooth sailing from here on out.


Thank you all for your support and encouragement, and as always...


Thank you for reading
xoxo

We're going to make a baby!

My ultrasound yesterday showed my lining measuring between 8 and 9mm and the doctor said the transfer is ON! 


The big day is Wednesday the 21st. I fly down to LA on Tuesday and come home Thursday. I AM SO EXCITED! I can't wait to see my IP's and make a baby! 


If everyone would send sticky vibes my way, it would be greatly appreciated! I will leave you with a picture of my daughter and I.... we finally got our Christmas tree put up on Tuesday. Better late than never, right?! Oh! And I got a surprise package from Nordstrom today- a beautiful Christmas gift from my IP's! As I'm sure you're getting used to, I am not patient, so I opened it as soon as I got it :) Here's a picture of that too.


Thanks for reading
xoxo

Disappointment

Well, we got confident a little too soon. My ultrasound showed that my lining was only measuring 6mm and it needs to be between 8 and 12 for the doctor to feel 100% comfortable going forward with the transfer. So we increased my estrogen tonight and I have a repeat ultrasound on Friday. If my lining is thick enough, we will transfer on Wednesday the 21st or Thursday the 22nd, instead of the planned Monday the 19th. If my lining isn't thick enough, we will be canceling the transfer and starting over. 


I am disappointed and worried that things aren't going to work out. My IP's are more than supportive and say they aren't upset, that this is just part of the journey. The ups and downs are to be expected and sometimes nothing goes as planned. They are completely okay to try again in January if this cycle doesn't recover. 


So if you all wouldn't mind, PLEASE send some fluffy vibes my way and hope my lining works some magic in the next 3 days! I'll let you know how the ultrasound goes on Friday morning. 


Thanks for reading
xoxo

Tayleigh-isms

My daughter never ceases to amaze me! Tonight I was talking to her about my trip, preparing her for me being gone for 2 days, telling her that I was going to LA to see my IP's, and explaining that this was when the doctor was going to put the baby in my belly. She says, "So, you're going to come back and your belly is going to be big??" I explained that the baby starts off verrrrry tiny and we put it in my belly and hope it sticks. If it sticks, then the baby starts growing and gets to eat what I eat, that's how it gets bigger. She says, "It eats everything you eat? Like coffee too??" (I love coffee and drink it daily!) I said yes, but told her I wouldn't be drinking coffee after the baby was in my belly because coffee isn't good for babies. She responded with, "But Mom, how are you going to survive? Coffee is your LIFE!" I cracked up! I asked her what she thought I should eat that would be good for the baby, and she rattled off things like bananas, tomatoes, chicken, milk, and juice. She's so smart!


Another funny Tayleigh-ism was last week. We had my boss's baby (she's 5 months old;  I often watch her on my day off) and we were at the grocery store getting stuff to make dinner. The checker says, "Oh, let me look at your little sister!" To which Tayleigh responds, "Uh, she's not ours." I couldn't help but burst out laughing! Then it got me thinking of all the hilarious things that are bound to come out of her mouth when I start showing and people start asking her about the baby in my belly :) 


I love talking to Tay about this process and teaching her about what's going on. She is so smart and really seems to get what's going on (as much as a 6 year old can). I'm sure there will be challenging questions that come up as we navigate this journey (how babies are born?!) but I can't wait to watch her grow and learn right along side of me. She is so nurturing and empathetic and I know she will take fabulous care of me and also of the future baby- bringing me yummy food, talking to the baby, reading it stories, etc. I will be sure to update with more funny stories as they happen! 


Thanks for reading
xoxo

OMG!

Holy smokes, one week from today I will be having dinner with my IP's in LA. I just got off the phone with K and they bought our tickets for the transfer already! We were going to wait until my lining check tomorrow, but they spoke with our nurse last week and she was very confident that everything was going to be a go for the 19th so they went ahead and booked the flights. I AM SO EXCITED!!! I am usually the most impatient person in the world, but for some reason I have had this strange sense of calmness over the last few weeks. I'm not sure if it's because of being so busy at work and preparing for the holidays, maybe I just haven't had time to be impatient? Whatever the reason, I'm really enjoying it :) 


I have had 4 estrogen injections now, and I'm still feeling pretty good. I didn't have any side effects after the first shot, but the 2nd and 3rd brought bloating and uterine fullness, and a 5 pound weight gain in one week! REALLY?! I was not a happy girl after getting on the scale at work on Thursday, LOL! The last couple days I've been feeling some breast tenderness/sensitivity and definitely some mild mood swings. I can be very easily irritable one minute and then very happy the next. I've also noticed that I'm more easily emotional at times, I'm sure my boss is just loving that! 


After my lining check and blood work tomorrow, I think we will add progesterone injections on top of my estrogen. I am hoping for good results, because tomorrow is my one and only ultrasound... some of the other girls have had a couple ultrasounds already to monitor their lining and adjust their estrogen as necessary, and I haven't... so that makes me a little nervous! Fingers crossed for good results, and I will update after I hear something tomorrow!


Thanks for reading
xoxo

Feeling blessed

I'm in a group on Facebook that is a means of support for surrogates who are with Growing Generations. We all have different stories and different situations but we all have one thing in common- what we're doing for our IP's. It is so awesome to have that support group- people I can go to and ask questions, vent, brag, etc., and we are all always there for each other. It is also very interesting to hear about the different relationships that surrogates have with their IP's. 


As time goes on, I feel more and more blessed to have been matched with the parents I was matched with. After our Skype match meeting, they sent me gorgeous flowers with a card that read "We're thrilled to be working with you. Thank you for helping complete our family." The other night, K called just to tell me he was thinking of me and wanted to check on how things were going. It was weird because I had just been thinking of them not 10 minutes earlier and then he called! Yesterday C emailed me to tell me how excited they are about the transfer and how they hope my shots aren't too terrible. One of the girls in my group has been getting (lots!) of extra money from her IP's- their way of showing her how thankful they are. Other girls receive gifts, some girls don't have very close relationships with their IP's at all. While everyone loves gifts and money, I can honestly say that those random phone calls and emails mean more to me than any bonus check or piece of jewelry ever could. 


Not a day (more like an hour!!) goes by that I'm not thinking about my IP's and how excited I am about this process. It's nice to know that I am on their mind too! I feel so honored that they have chosen me to be such an important part of their lives and their family. I have a feeling that over the next year or so, I am going to have a constant feeling of happiness and love surrounding me and I am so excited about it! I can't wait for the wonderful things that are in our future as we embark on this adventure as a great team :) 


Thanks for reading
xoxo

Contracts, meds, transfer date, oh my!

Holy smokes, there's actually stuff going on! Contracts came and were signed with no issues or changes. All of my medications came today and I should start my period tomorrow. Then blood work on Thursday morning and starting meds after that! 2 weeks of estrogen, then an ultrasound to check my uterine lining, and 5 days of progesterone, then the transfer! 


That's right friends, we have a transfer date! December 19th is the big day! And a lot of girls usually get a BFP (big fat positive/positive home pregnancy test) 5dp5dt (5 days post 5 day transfer). Count out the days people, go ahead. Yep, 5 days after transfer is Christmas Eve! What a great Christmas gift that would be for my IP's, right?! I don't want to get my hopes up but I would just melt if it all worked out the first try and I could give them that gift. 


I loved watching my IP's with their son while I was there visiting and I just love the kind of people they are. They have such an adorable relationship and I can tell how much love and caring there is in their family. They are so calm and laid back, so relaxed. I think they are going to be amazing parents to their new baby and their future baby, too.


I feel more frequent updates coming on, as there is more going on these days! Can't wait for the days when I get to post ultrasounds and belly pictures :) 



Thanks for reading
xoxo

Love!

Well, I went to meet my IP's in person on Saturday, after our Skype match meeting a couple weeks ago. It went SO WELL! It wasn't awkward at all (which I was a little worried about!) and just felt really comfortable and natural. They picked me up from the airport and we went to lunch, then to this really cool shop (www.glassybaby.com), and then back to their house. I got to meet their baby, nanny, and 2 dogs. We just relaxed and chatted and then I had to go back to the airport :( The 3 of us seem to get along so well, and have the same views on a lot of things. They are easygoing on the things I have strong feelings about and vice versa, which is great! No conflicts yet, and I hope it stays that way!


Now we are just waiting on our contract to show up so we can review and sign it. I have a phone conference with the reproductive endocrinologist today, and hopefully he will give me/us a better idea of a timeline for the transfer. We are ready to move forward as soon as contracts are signed so if the lawyers could get to it, that would be GREAT! :) 


Thanks for reading
xoxo

Officially MATCHED!

That's right, I officially have me some people to have a baby for! Whoot whoot! They don't know about this blog yet, so I won't get into it too much, but THEY ARE AWESOME! Things have been a little more slow moving than "normal", because they just had a baby a couple weeks ago. When we exchanged profiles in my last post, their surrogate was having some preterm labor issues and they weren't sure when the baby was going to come. So we scheduled a Skype Match Meeting, but then had to reschedule because their surrogate went into labor! One week later, their baby was finally born :) So, last Friday we had our meeting and it was wonderful.


The feeling is hard to explain, and I feel like this is especially true because I have nothing to compare it to. I had some uncertain feelings at first, largely due to a miscommunication between my IP's, my agency, and myself. Lost emails are a huge downer!! (Thanks technology!) Good thing my agency is so great, and they called to discuss my feelings before letting me move on to a different couple! I feel like the Match Meeting is like a super awkward blind date.... you kind of have a little inkling of what to expect, but not really. You wonder if it is going to be weird and awkward, or if you are going to have personalities that mesh, if you are going to see eye to eye on potentially HUGE deal breaking issues, etc. Luckily, our call went great and we seem to click well! The next step is getting contracts started, and setting up an in person meeting. I think we are hoping for a December transfer, which sounds wonderful to me! I would love it if we could to it tomorrow!


I am so ready to be pregnant and spend more time getting to know my IP's. It's a strange mix of feelings- wanting to get the show on the road and see some action, but at the same time, the more we get done, the closer we are to the end. I just got this great couple and I don't want to have to say goodbye to them when this is all over. I wish I could video record the next year of my life so I could keep it forever and play it back. I have spurts where I remember a bunch of things I want to talk to them about, but I also don't want to overwhelm them. I know they are both busy with life, careers, and a newborn at home! So I try to exercise the patience I have VERY little of, and not get ahead of myself!


I will post more after contracts are complete and I have a transfer update and after our in person meeting.


Until then.....
Thanks for reading
xoxo

Hello Hollywood!

Sorry this post is slightly delayed... life has been beyond busy lately!


Let me preface this with the schedule of events for the week of my trip to California:


Saturday 9/3- best friend's bachelorette party
Sunday 9/4- Pig out in the Park with my daughter and her dad and his wife
Monday 9/5- get up and get to the airport for flight at 12:30pm
Tuesday 9/6- Med screen, psych screen, flight home arriving at 12am
Wednesday 9/7- my daughter's first day of kindergarten followed by 12hrs of work
Thursday 9/8- work and then nails with the girls before the wedding
Friday 9/9- work and then wedding rehearsal and rehearsal dinner
Saturday 9/10- best friends wedding, awake and arriving at the church at 9:30am


I wanted to sleep for 48hrs straight by the time the week was over!


So ANYWAY! On September 5th I flew down to LA for my Medical and Psych screening. My flight arrived at 5:30pm and I found my car and driver and off to the hotel in Pasadena we went. Got checked in and read by the pool until it got dark, ordered room service ($16 cheeseburger, not impressed!) and went to bed. Nervous/excited/anxious for the busy day that lay ahead!


Took the shuttle from the hotel to HRC Fertility and met Dr. Kolb and his nurse Maria. Got my IUD yanked (interesting and funny story for another time!) and my uterus inspected ("it's beautiful!"). Blood drawn, peed in a cup, and off I went.


An exciting 45 minute taxi ride to LA resulted in arrival at Growing Generations psych headquarters for my thorough mental evaluation. After a 567 question personality assessment test and a 2 hour "conversation" about my childhood, past, present, parents, ex-husband, baby daddy, daughter, job, school, neighbors, you name it, I was tentatively deemed acceptable to move on in the process. Off to LAX I went, to catch my flight home and wait (im)patiently for my final results. Have I mentioned I am NOT a patient person??


After a couple small snafus and a whole lot of deep breaths, I have officially been medically cleared to continue! My agency sent me a profile of intended parents (IP's) last week, and I accepted them. GG (Growing Generations, my agency) sent my profile to the IP's today, and I should hopefully hear back tomorrow with their response. *In a nervous voice* "I hope they like me....." If they like my profile, the next step is setting up an in person meeting in LA within the next few weeks.


*Fingers Crossed*


I will leave you with a few pictures from my whirlwind trip, and the week surrounding it!


Thanks for reading
xoxo

Bachelorette Party!

Beautiful view of the hills from the roof of the hotel

Pool

Relaxing!

My daughter requested a picture of where I was staying. She told my mom "That looks like a good bed" LOL!

                                  

$16 cheeseburger

First day of school!!

Snuggling Caleb (son of the bride and groom)

Checking out the goods at the rehearsal ;)

Wedding Day!

"Wow.... really? Why??"

That is a very common response I get when I tell people I'm going to be a surrogate. Usually it comes from the people who don't really understand, the people who don't get it. But it leads to a very interesting topic and very legitimate question: Why am I doing this? Why do I want to be a surrogate? Why, why, why?


As I mentioned in my first post, being a surrogate is something I have thought about for a few years. Something I wanted to do for a long time. But why? I don't know... why not?


The short answer that I started with was this: I loved being pregnant, I had no morning sickness, no complications, (almost) no complaints. I loved feeling my baby move inside me, I would love to do it again. But I don't want another baby to keep at this point in my life. My uterus young and healthy, but it is empty and not going to be occupied for personal use any time in the near future. So why not help someone out and let their baby use it for a year? Something that is so easy for me, is so difficult or impossible for someone else... so why wouldn't I help them?

Then I thought harder, and considered the bigger picture. Ever since I can remember, I have loved children, and especially babies. They are so cute and soft and snuggly and amazing!! When I got pregnant with my daughter at 18, I was less than excited. I was TERRIFIED. But then the excitement came, and becoming a mother is the most amazing, life changing experience I've ever had. My daughter is the best thing that has ever happened to me, the best "accident" I could have ever asked for :) She teaches me daily, more than I could have ever imagined. She brings me endless love and joy, I am amazed by her more and more every day. The funny things she says, the new things she learns, the things she observes and retains, her empathy, her sensitivity, her compassion for others at the ripe age of 5 and three quarters :) How much she needs me, counts on me, learns from me. The amount of love you feel for your own child is indescribable, something you cannot comprehend until you have a child of your own.


I can't imagine someone wanting to have a baby so badly and not being able to do so. My short answer combined with my longer answer brings me to the simple conclusion that I just want to help someone fulfill their dreams of being parents and having a family.


Thanks for reading
xoxo

First post, let's see how this goes....

Okay, so the title of my blog is a little deceiving... I'm not pregnant yet, but I hope to be soon! And when I am, it won't be mine! I have recently begun my first surrogacy journey and I am going to blog about the adventure. I love reading blogs about surrogacy, but was wrestling with the idea of actually writing one, as I somewhat feel like I am talking to myself or rambling on and on....


Okay, let's start from the beginning. Surrogacy is something I have thought about for a few years, more as an abstract idea than a realistic one. Sure, I have always wanted to do it, but did I ever think it was something that would actually happen? NO WAY!! I live in Washington state, and I came to find out that surrogacy is "illegal" here. Upon further research I discovered that the surrogacy itself isn't illegal, but contracts with the intention of the surrogate being paid above and beyond medical and legal expenses are unenforceable. So this means that no agencies want to work with people in Washington because it's a pain. My newfound surrogacy excitement bubble was quickly popped. Possible solutions were quickly running through my head. Move to Idaho? Keep looking for an agency? Give up? 


Late one evening I was exploring blogs online and read a HILARIOUS one. (Kelly Rummelhart, http://justthestork.blogspot.com/) I had emailed 2 or 3 agencies and they unfortunately didn't work with WA surrogates. I'm pretty stubborn and don't give up easily when I want something, so I filled out the online application and emailed Kelly's agency too, on the off chance that this would be an agency who would work with me. The next morning I woke up and checked my email... holy hallelujah Batman, they approved my first stage application to move on to the next step, and I received an email reply that they COULD work with me- they have had many successful contracts out of Washington!!! I am a person who hates disappointment so I tried (and am still trying) not to get too excited until I am actually pregnant. But OMG I AM SO EXCITED!! 


The last couple weeks in a nutshell: LOTS OF PAPERWORK! I have filled out questionnaires, I have signed a million things, I have faxed, I have requested documents, medical records, insurance policies, pay stubs, I have considered options... the surrogacy train in my brain is constantly moving! After completing an application for life insurance and an individual surrogacy maternity policy (in case, for some terrible reason, we aren't able to use my personal insurance), submitting past medical records, and waiting impatiently for a week, I was approved and given the green light to move forward to medical and psychological evaluation!! I am flying to LA (where my agency is) on September 5th, for my med and psych evaluations on September 6th. Have I mentioned how excited I am?!?! 


This will have to suffice as my first ever blog post, as I need to snuggle my daughter and put her to bed soon. I will post an update after my trip to LA, unless something super exciting happens before then! 


Thanks for reading
xoxo